me during my wedding vows:babe i just love you so much like you don't know i can't even you're so gorg and just perf and like you just give me so many feels i can't even omfg i ship us so hard lkjhfluyhejrg'zsjhf;s;dfgkhzs
fun fact: marcus zusak, the author of ‘the book thief’ went to my school. years after graduating he returned to teach a writing program before my current principal fired him. then he became famous and my principal called him and asked him to return and his response was simply
i actually do have an hourglass figure it’s just that all the glass was crushed and all the sand spilled everywhere and then someone scraped up all the mess and threw it in the bin but it’s still an hourglass
i miss the generations when a guy had to ask a girl out by asking her parents, where a girl could just be beautiful in a tshirt, where bubonic plagues decimated villages across europe and left a third of the population dead. reblog if u agree
I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND LEFT MY MUSIC ON REALLY LOUD SO I CAN HEAR IT AND KEPT IT ON SHUFFLE AND ALL I HEAR IS “IIII WANNA FUCK A DOG IN THE ASS” AND I STARTED SCREAMIGN AND RUNNING UPSTAIRS AND MAKING NOISE SO MY MOM COULDNT HEAR IT AND I WAS LIKE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMM AND SHE WAS LIKE WHAT AND THEN I YELLED ABOUT TOMATOS UNTIL I MUTED IT
“Who the hell names hurricanes and why do they give them the least threatening names? If you see on the news that hurricane Erin is blowing through, you’re like ‘Pfft. Erin? I can take that slut’. But if it’s like hurricane Dicksmasher is coming, you pack up and leave.”
My dream is to one day make enough money to remake the movie Twilight so that everything is exactly the same except Edward Cullen is played by Kanye West and Kanye West doesnt have a script and isn’t even aware of what the plot of the movie is, he’s just Kanye West reacting to Twilight in real time.