May 2013
19 posts
1 tag
psychoticmist:
if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
primisthebomb:
I THREW A GRAPE IN THE AIR TO CATCH IT IN MY MOUTH BUT IT WENT TOO HIGH AND HIT THE CEILING AND THERE WAS A SPIDER THERE AND THE SPIDER FELL AND SO DID THE GRAPE AND THEY BOTH LANDED ON MY FACE AND I STILL HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING
Me during the day: I'm so fucking tired oh my God I can't wait to go to bed tonight
Me during the night: Let's download the top 100 songs from the 90s and listen to them all while writing a novel and watching an entire season of Supernatural and maybe rearrange my room
richwhitelesbian:
are you single? are you seeing anyone? are you alone? can you see anybody? can you see anything? do you like it in this cave? how many days have you been here?
e-zekiel:
okay so today I was at the mall and this girl walking in front of me and tripped and fell and instead of helping her up like a normal person would- I decided to make her feel less embarrassed and fall down too
but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time
and then another person fell
and another
and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu...
llawleit:
1 tag
cacty:
time to put on my final exam outfit
April 2013
14 posts
i,m Not like ohter girls
simulated:
i have TUMBOBLR!!!!notfacebook !!!!!! i watch TV show. INTERNET!!!!! random haha.
DRESSES??????SKIRT?? oh my god. oh m,Y gdo. No. n]NO!!! impossaible!!!!!!!??¿
GAMES!!! I CAN PLAY!!!! OK???????????/// i play.. GAmes .lLike BOY.
heels……..hair….M…M…..MAKE UP?????????????? [SCREAMS]
I AM SPECIAL
AMAZE
WOW SPECIAL
specail
o m f g
ripstudwell:
officer, I know I was speeding but technically u were too so I’m gonna have to arrest please step out of the vehicle
nohighs:
“sir, what you did is so illegal that it loops around and now you’re the cop and i’m under arrest. here’s your badge welcome to the force”
jacobfuckedme:
jacobfuckedme
i wonder what natasha’s son’s name will be
hopefully she names him roly
same
Rolling Stone: Did you know Frank Ocean was gay before he came out last year?
Tyler, the Creator: Yeah, I was one of the first people he told. I kinda knew, because he likes Pop Tarts without frosting on them, so I knew something was weird. But that's my nigga.
internetexplorers:
pretty sure i’m my soul mate
robertoluongo:
in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke
wonderbolt-dashie:
assiest:
a romantic comedy about a north korean dictator and a south korean popstar called ‘seoul mates’
This is why they want to attack us
buttholeos:
i was checking out at target and this guy was being really flirty with me and his nametag said rosemarie so when i left i said “have a good night rosemarie” and he said “rosemarie??” and i pointed to his nametag and he said fuck very loud then said “they are always fucking doing this to me”
teacher: ok everyone you're going to get into groups
me: oh fuck
me: social interaction
me: what in here can i kill myself with
me: oh god there isn't anything
me: everyone is choosing groups and i'm sitting here alone
me: why am i talking to myself
March 2013
26 posts
neopiacentral:
*gives people advice when i cant even handle my own problems*
matthewgublr:
I was having a pretty decent day until I thought of something stupid I said when I was 13
jesuschristvevo:
i hate taking pictures of myself and saying my own name and talking about my hobbies and hearing my own voice and being me
thorki:
I JUST SAW A GUY AT WALMART AND HE LOOKED LIKE MORGAN FREEMAN AND HE CAUGHT ME LOOKING AT HIM AND HE POINTED AT ME AND SAID “IM NOT MORGAN FREEMAN”
rnackenzie:
i contribute to group conversations by saying what every five minutes
spookymangoslushies:
the year is 2038. you are babysitting two ten-year-old boys when they show you their three-dimensional hologram projector. “wow, that’s cool!” you exclaim. they both turn to you in disbelief. “nobody’s said ‘cool’ for, like, twenty years.” the taller one informs you. “now we say ‘juice.’”
foxnewsofficial:
my uncle has 2 children named sam and ella and like 3 years after ella was born someone confronted my uncle about how whenever he was discussing his children it sounded like he was talking about salmonella and then he punched a wall
cokeflow:
*regrets something I said 4 years ago*
multipack:
sorry but i think we should break up, it’s not you it’s-a-me mario
